The Provisions and Legitimacy of Engagement in Islam
Islamic scholars have differing opinions regarding a man proposing to a woman, with some advocating for its permissibility while others suggest it is commendable. They base their arguments on the actions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when he proposed to both Aisha and Hafsa (may Allah be pleased with them). An engagement signifies a man’s expression of interest in marrying a specific woman; however, it is important to note that an engagement is not a marriage but rather a promise to marry her in the future. Consequently, an engagement does not confer marital rights nor does it allow for the same privileges that come with marriage. Nonetheless, there are several rulings associated with engagement, including: the permissibility of a man looking at his fiancée while she remains non-mahram (not a close relative), and that it is inappropriate for a man to propose to a woman who is already engaged to someone else—unless she has been abandoned by her initial suitor, in which case this is permissible due to the Prophet’s prohibition against proposing to another man’s fiancée. Furthermore, engagements should not be dissolved except for justifiable reasons, such as exhibiting bad character from either party or a deficiency in religious commitment.
Etiquettes of Engagement
Scholars of the community have outlined specific etiquettes and boundaries for communication during the engagement period, including:
- Avoiding seclusion between the engaged couple.
- Both the suitor and the fiancée should practice lowering their gaze.
- Refraining from handshakes.
- The woman should avoid soft or alluring speech.
- Engagement discussions should remain within the limits of necessity, avoiding the incitement of doubt or mistrust.
- The woman must adhere to her full Islamic hijab when in the presence of her fiancé and they should not spend time alone together, considering they are still non-mahram.
The Ruling on Extending the Engagement Period Due to Financial Conditions
It is permissible for a suitor to prolong the duration of engagement if the reason relates to his financial situation. He should seek permission from the fiancée’s family while explaining his circumstances, particularly if he is attempting to gather the necessary funds for the wedding. The foundational principle in matters of marriage is that a husband should not be burdened with financial obligations beyond his means; thus, it is encouraged to facilitate the dowry and associated wedding costs.