Causes of Estrangement and Solutions for Rebuilding Family Bonds

Causes of Disconnection from Kin

Disconnection from kin refers to the cessation of communication with relatives, neglecting their welfare, and refusing to overlook their shortcomings. This stands in stark contrast to the concept of maintaining ties with family, which entails the opposite actions. Cutting off family ties is considered a significant transgression, severing bonds, fostering enmity and discord, resulting in estrangement and alienation, while also hindering compassion and access to paradise. It leads to loneliness, humiliation, and disgrace.

Below are some of the primary causes of disconnection from kin:

  • Ignorance

This pertains to a lack of awareness regarding the consequences of severing family ties and an unfamiliarity with the virtues and benefits that come from maintaining these relationships.

  • Arrogance

This refers to the tendency to exhibit pride towards relatives after attaining a prestigious position or becoming financially prosperous, leading to neglect of familial visits.

  • Stinginess

This behavior manifests as an excessive fear of lending money to relatives in times of need, particularly when one is financially capable.

  • Lack of Piety

This is characterized by a disregard for the repercussions of severing family ties and a lack of desire for the rewards associated with maintaining such connections.

  • Inherited Hostility

This stems from longstanding disputes, such as those between siblings, often causing their children to avoid visits to their uncles or other relatives. Examples include workplace partnerships based on superficial relations instead of transparency and concrete foundations necessary for a healthy working environment, or delays in inheritance distribution due to disputes among heirs, leading to separation and disconnection.

  • Gossip that circulates within the family can create confusion, deceit, and lies, contributing to the spread of animosity among relatives, with each party becoming preoccupied with the problem rather than seeking solutions or penalizing the gossip monger.
  • Postponement of visits can lead to total disconnection due to continuous delays and indifference to one’s relatives, exacerbated by geographical distance.
  • A strong aversion may develop in the visitor due to criticism and reprimands received from relatives.

Treatment for Disconnection from Kin

Addressing disconnection requires resolving the underlying issues that lead to severed ties, recognizing the significant value of kinship, actively seeking opportunities to reconnect, and adhering to proper etiquette when visiting relatives. This includes respecting their boundaries, being forgiving of their mistakes, treating them with kindness, accepting their excuses if they apologize, and forgiving them even without an apology.

It is essential to approach them with humility and maintain a gentle demeanor, offering assistance as much as possible without expecting anything in return. One should always be considerate of their circumstances, both emotional and financial, and never belittle them for any reason.

One of the foremost issues surrounding disconnection is ignorance. Cultivating knowledge and understanding the impacts of fostering family relationships can significantly affect individuals’ attention and their emotional drive to maintain these bonds. In this context, the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet serve as the most profound guidelines.

Ways to Maintain Kinship

Maintaining kinship can involve visiting relatives, inquiring about their wellbeing, visiting the sick, offering charitable donations, respecting affluent relatives, sharing in their joyful occasions, offering condolences during times of grief, praying for them, interacting kindly, assisting them in resolving their challenges, reconciling disputes within the family, hosting them, and receiving them warmly, among other acts of kindness.

The Virtue of Maintaining Kinship

Numerous religious texts affirm the immense rewards associated with maintaining family ties, including:

  • Allah Almighty states: “And those who connect that which Allah has commanded to be joined and fear their Lord and are afraid of the evil of [their] account.” This verse praises those who maintain their family ties.
  • Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the ties of kinship.”
  • Anas ibn Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “Whoever loves to have his provision expanded and his lifespan prolonged, let him maintain the ties of kinship.” The term “prolonged” here means that Allah extends one’s life due to the blessings of upholding family ties.
  • Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a man asked: “O Messenger of Allah, inform me of actions that will bring me closer to Paradise and distance me from Hell.” The Prophet (Peace be upon him) replied: “Worship Allah alone, do not associate anything with Him, establish prayer, give zakat, and maintain kinship.”

Consequences of Severing Kinship

Several religious texts highlight the consequences of severing family ties, such as:

  • Allah Almighty says: “So have you seen those who were forbidden from shedding blood and forbidden from consuming interest and those who consume forbidden wealth? Are they not the ones who will be cast into the fire?” This verse underlies the warning against severing kinship.
  • Jabir ibn Mut’im reported that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) stated: “No one who severs family ties will enter Paradise.” It was clarified by Ibn Abi Umar that this specifically refers to cutting off familial relations.
  • Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said: “The womb (rahim) is a means of connection; whoever maintains it, I maintain them, and whoever severs it, I sever them.”

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