I Love You, Yet I Fear the Endings
I love you, even though I find myself haunted by the tragedy of endings rather than the sweetness of beginnings. I have experienced how treachery can suddenly snatch away dreams without any warning. I love you, and I fully understand that, dear, happy endings exist only in fairy tales or films. How could I think otherwise, especially since I have grown accustomed to losing everything beautiful I cherished at the very end of my journey, after exhausting all my strength and numbing my grip from holding on? My love for you is profound, and this deep attachment makes me tremble; there is no more room in my life for disappointment, nor is there space in my heart for another wound. I love you, yet I am afraid to openly express my feelings—even to myself. Every lovely aspect of you draws me closer, while my anxieties and fears keep me at bay. They restrain me, making me dread taking a step forward that could lead me into the abyss of loss one day. How can you promise that the sparkle I see in your eyes will never fade, that the yearning I sense in your feelings will not transform into an iceberg tomorrow, and that your hands will not abandon me as we reach the end of our path? I love you immensely, and I will keep this love a deep secret within my chest, fearing for its safety from being extinguished.
I Love You, Yet I Fear Disappointment
I find myself as I have never seen myself before; my emotions are being irresistibly drawn towards you. Your presence imbues the surroundings with colors I had never perceived prior. Even the weather appears enchantingly spring-like in your company, despite it being fall. I vowed to protect my heart, to keep it nestled safely within my ribs, shielding it from any harm. This innocent heart has endured countless hardships throughout its lifetime, facing a history marked by cruelty as a consequence of its loyalty. I have promised myself to remain steadfast and unyielding, regardless of the storms of love that may swirl around me. But what is happening to me now? How can your existence in my life turn everything upside down? I spend my nights reminiscing, conversing with my senses about your memory, recalling the words of Farouk Juaida, who said that something about you draws me in, and I don’t know where it leads. Sometimes, I see it as my end, and other times, as a new beginning!
Everything about you attracts me, yet something deep within resists surrender. It refuses to relinquish the echo of a voice insisting I should not be swayed. How can I be at ease when I have tasted the bitter pill of betrayal? How can I surrender without the fear that this heart may be returned to me lifeless, cast aside on the roadside? I cannot afford to be complacent; emotions are not something inexpensive that can be given to a passing traveler or a visitor in your homeland. The soul does not regain its vitality through some magical remedy recounted by a grandmother. My thoughts oscillate between acceptance and rejection, leaving my spirit trembling like a drowning soul reaching the shore. I awaken from my sleep, mumbling… I love you, yet I fear disappointment. What is the way forward?
I Love You, Yet I Fear Regret
The author Ahlam Mustaghani once said:
I fear falling in love with you, losing you, and then suffering. I also fear not loving you, thus losing the chance for love, and living with regret! I exist in a state of imbalance since meeting you—while my life progresses orderly, my heart is engulfed in chaos. Since knowing you, I feel an admiration that knows no bounds. You possess qualities I long for in these times; you embody what I was missing, completing the splendor of my spirit and the clarity of my world. Yet, I constantly fear the endings! I am a woman accustomed to losing everything I cherish. We often manage to restrain our emotions in the beginning, yet we falter at the end, and that terrifies me. Teach me how to love you without pain… how to exist without regret!