The Rulings of Engagement in Islam
Engagement, defined as expressing the desire to marry a specific woman and informing her guardian, is governed by a variety of legal and ethical guidelines in Islam, which are outlined as follows:
- It is prohibited for a Muslim to propose marriage to a woman engaged to another man who has already accepted an offer, even through hints, if the second suitor is aware of the first engagement. This prohibition is rooted in the potential discord it may create between the two suitors and the harm it could cause to the first suitor’s interests.
- A Muslim is forbidden from explicitly proposing to a woman who is in her waiting period after a definitive divorce, although subtle suggestions are permissible, such as expressing a desire for a righteous spouse. The reasoning behind this restriction is the concern that the woman might falsely announce the end of her waiting period in her eagerness to remarry. In cases of a woman undergoing a waiting period after a revocable divorce, both explicit and implied proposals are prohibited, as she is still regarded as married.
- When consulted about a potential suitor or fiancée, it is the duty of a Muslim to disclose both the positive qualities and shortcomings of that individual. This sharing of information is not considered backbiting, but rather a commendable act of advice according to Islamic law.
- Engagement is regarded merely as a promise of marriage and does not constitute an actual marital union; thus, both parties remain strangers to one another under Islamic guidelines.
The Rulings of Viewing the Fiancée
There is a unanimous agreement among scholars regarding the permissibility of a suitor viewing a non-mahram woman during the engagement process. In fact, some scholars consider it a commendable practice, although they differ on what is acceptable for the suitor to observe in his fiancée. The varying opinions are summarized as follows:
- First Opinion: Imam Ahmad permits the suitor to look only at the face of the fiancée.
- Second Opinion: The majority of scholars from the Shafi’i and Maliki schools, as well as one narration from Ahmad, allow the suitor to gaze upon the fiancée’s face and her hands, both in appearance and reality.
- Third Opinion: Imam Abu Hanifa permits the suitor to look at the fiancée’s face, hands, and feet.
- Fourth Opinion: The Hanbali scholars assert that the suitor is allowed to look at all parts of the fiancée that are commonly visible.
Guidelines for Communication During the Engagement Period
During the engagement period, if the marriage contract has not yet been finalized, the couple is considered strangers to one another. Consequently, they are only permitted to meet in necessary situations, provided a male guardian of the woman is present. It is not acceptable for them to be alone together, engage in outings, or speak using flirtatious language. Should they need to communicate for legitimate reasons, they must adhere to the following guidelines:
- The conversation should remain within the bounds of necessity.
- Both parties must practice lowering their gazes.
- No handshakes or similar forms of physical contact should occur.
- Each individual should strive to maintain purity of heart, avoiding any suspicion or desire.
- The woman’s speech should not be soft or inviting in nature.
- The woman should commit to modesty and wear appropriate attire according to Islamic standards.
- No private meetings should take place while conversing.