Etiquette of Visiting in Islam
Islam encourages the practice of visiting others and promises significant rewards for it, whether the visitation is for a specific reason, such as congratulating someone on success or marriage, or simply for the sake of companionship. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) illustrated this by saying: “A man visited his brother in another village, and Allah appointed an angel on his way. When the angel met him, he asked: ‘Where are you going?’ The man replied, ‘I am visiting my brother in this village.’ The angel then asked, ‘Do you have any favor or benefit with him?’ The man answered, ‘No, except that I love him for the sake of Allah.’ The angel said, ‘I am a messenger from Allah to you, announcing that Allah loves you as you love him.’” It is important to observe certain etiquettes when visiting someone, which include the following:
Seeking Permission Before Visiting
Before visiting someone, it is advisable to seek permission through a phone call or any modern communication method. If permission is granted, then one may proceed to visit; otherwise, it is best not to. This practice has become more common due to the ease of communication available today. A Muslim should utilize such conveniences to uphold Islamic values. It is important to consider the circumstances of the household on that particular day, as they may be preoccupied. If a visitor arrives, whether with prior consent or not, it is essential to ask for permission to enter. There are several manners of seeking permission, which include:
- Knocking on the door or calling out to the household. Allah (SWT) stated: “O you who have believed, do not enter houses other than your own until you seek permission and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you that you might remember.”
- Seeking permission three times; if there is no response, then the visitor should leave. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “If one of you seeks permission three times and is not granted entry, then let him return.”
- Greeting the inhabitants of the house, as indicated by the initial verse, and evidenced by a narration from a man from Banu Amir: He sought permission to enter upon the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked: “Shall I enter?” The Prophet instructed him to go back and tell him to greet: “Peace be upon you, may I enter?” I heard him say this, and then I said: “Peace be upon you, may I enter?” and he granted me permission to enter.
Selecting Appropriate Times for Visits
A Muslim should choose the right time for a visit, selecting a suitable day and hour. It is important not to visit someone on a day when they are likely to be busy, such as during an exam or when preoccupied with personal matters. Additionally, the timing of the visit should not coincide with meal times, bed times, or times when the household members are just waking up. Aisha narrated about the Prophet (peace be upon him): “There was rarely a day that went by except that he would visit Abu Bakr either at the beginning or at the end of the day. When he was granted permission to leave for Medina, he surprised us at noon.”
Keeping the Visit of Moderate Duration
Visitors should be mindful of the duration of their stay, avoiding long visits that might cause the host to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. An extended visit can be burdensome, especially if the household is not prepared to host guests for an extended period or if the host has obligations. Additionally, the host may be in a financial position where they cannot adequately cater to guests, which could lead to feelings of embarrassment regarding their hospitality. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a visitor to stay until he causes the host distress.”
Lowering One’s Gaze and Avoiding Inappropriate Sights in the House
Upon entering a home, the visitor should respect the sanctity of the household, avoiding looking at any inappropriate sights or intruding on their privacy. This includes refraining from staring at forbidden or permissible matters and lowering one’s gaze when encountering women. The Prophet (peace be upon him) stated: “Seeking permission is for the sake of the gaze.” Additionally, the visitor should sit sideways to the door rather than facing it directly, to avoid catching the inhabitants off guard.
Sitting in an Appropriate Place
When entering a home, the visitor should sit where the host directs them. They should avoid sitting in places that may expose the household’s private matters and should not face the door. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Nobody should sit at the table unless it is with permission.” If the host does not indicate a specific spot, the visitor may choose any available place to sit.
Offering Constructive Advice to the Household When Appropriate
It has been noted that “some houses inevitably contain inappropriate practices.” This may include advising someone who neglects their prayers or behaves disrespectfully towards their parents or listens to prohibited music. Such counsel should be approached with sincerity and should not aim for personal gain or recognition, as Allah’s acceptance hinges on the intention behind the advice. Thus, the visitor should maintain a kind approach, invoking wisdom and gentle reminders.
Seeking Permission Before Departing
When the visitor intends to leave the host’s home, it is recommended not to rise and exit without first seeking permission from the host. If the host is absent, the visitor should wait until they are present before departing. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised: “When one of you visits a brother and sits with him, he should not leave until he seeks his permission.” The rationale behind obtaining permission before leaving is twofold:
- The host is the steward of their home, and guests should not act without their consent.
- So that the guest does not miss out on any hospitality that the host might have prepared unbeknownst to them, such as offering food.
Expressing Gratitude for Hospitality
A Muslim should reciprocate kindness with kindness and acknowledge those who offer them favors. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks refuge in Allah, grant him refuge; whoever asks you by Allah, give to him; respond to those who invite you; and when someone comes to you with a favor, reward him. If you cannot reciprocate, then pray for them until you know you have repaid them.” Thus, guests should pray for the host, wishing them blessings and prosperity.
Etiquette of Hospitality in Islam
Honoring the Guest
Honoring guests is a mark of true faith. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm their neighbor, honor their guest, and speak good or remain silent.” Some ways to honor a guest include:
- Sharing meals with them and not allowing them to eat alone.
- Offering the best food available.
Engaging in Pleasant Conversation
Part of the hospitality etiquette is for the host to engage warmly with guests, ensuring they feel welcomed and comfortable. It is essential not to leave long silences when a guest is present. The host should keep the conversation flowing by inquiring about the guest’s well-being and sharing stories to foster a friendly atmosphere. It is vital not to display anger or scold family members in front of guests, as this could lead to discomfort.
Welcoming the Guest
It is preferable to greet the guest warmly, smiling and showing enthusiasm in welcoming them. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) exemplified this attitude when he warmly greeted the delegation from Abdul Qais, saying: “Welcome to the delegation that comes without embarrassment or regret.” This welcoming spirit signifies ample hospitality, ensuring guests feel at ease.
Accompanying the Guest upon Departure
The host should accompany the guest when they leave and not allow them to exit without a proper farewell. This may include opening the car door for the guest or helping them with their transportation, symbolizing the value placed on the guest’s presence. These are excellent customs that should be appreciated.
In summary, visiting holds significant merit in Islam, accompanied by many etiquettes that the religion has instituted and encouraged. Key principles include seeking permission, honoring the guest, selecting appropriate visiting times, lowering one’s gaze to respect privacy, and not prolonging visits unreasonably so as not to discomfort hosts, while also providing constructive advice when necessary, and showing gratitude for the hospitality received.